Small talk in Italian: the weather, where you're from and how to keep it going

Why does Italian small talk feel so different?

In much of northern Europe, and on the London Underground, you talk to strangers only when you must. In Italy short conversations with people you don't know are part of the day: at the bar counter, at the bus stop, in the queue at the market, in a waiting room. A comment about the heat or the late bus is an opening, and answering it costs nothing. Silence, on the other hand, can come across as cold, or as a sign that you are offended.

The sound of it can mislead you. Italians often speak loudly and over one another, and in a lively exchange two or three people talk at once. To an English, Scandinavian or Japanese ear a discussion about where to buy the best tomatoes can sound like a quarrel; to Italians it means everybody is interested. People also stand closer than in Britain or North America, touch an arm to make a point and talk with their hands. The best known gesture, the fingertips pinched together and shaken, means roughly «what on earth do you want?», and it became an emoji in 2020.

Questions come quickly that might feel personal at home: whether you are married, whether you have children, what you do for a living. It is curiosity, not nosiness, and a short answer with a question back is the natural reply. Food is the safest topic of all, and also the most heated: ask three Italians how to make a carbonara and you will get four answers. One small thing for when you count or order with your fingers: Italians start from the thumb, so a raised thumb and index finger means two.

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